lost but never forgotten

I wrote this this week in my writing class at school, its about a random soldier in the first world war.

His birth brought his mother to tears.
Diapers, toys, playing with neighborhood boys.
On his tenth birthday, his father died, but he had no time to cry.
He became the man of the house. His siblings asking “when is daddy coming home”.

Education was a mere thought. He became a dropout by the age of twelve.
He received some news on his sixteenth birthday.
Two weeks later he kissed his mother goodbye.
Not knowing he’d never return or what he was doing to his family.

The war made a man out of the boy. He prayed for his family and himself daily
In a way he needed that connection with God.

Letters from home flashed back to his childhood.
He missed being Dad’s bud, and Mom’s baby.
Wiping his tears, head held high, he’d head back into battle.

Questions embedded in his mind.
What if he didn’t survive? What would it do to his family?
The boy inside the man had enough. He wanted to return home.
His wish was granted. Months after he left home, he’d be on that boat back to Newfoundland.

Days short of his homecoming his men went into battle. Sixty-eight men were left untouched by he was not one of them.

He came into the world with a cry that brought his mother to tears.
Years later her little boy was lost forever.Lost but never forgotten.

STFU, it's that simple

Don't open you're mouth to me.
You must have brains made of shit
you don't understand me don't fucking speak.

It's bullshit you bring me
i can't help but cry
who cares how you feel
it's about how i feel

you've had the experience
i've been so close

it'd mean a lifetime to me
it just be another date in time for you

don't fucking pick me to peices
you don't feel what i feel

so shut the hell up
and take a look back
if you were in my shoes
would you be feeling this insane?

i don't give a shit about your complaints
if you don't give any for mine

i don't care for your feelings
if you don't realize i ahve them to

i fucking love that man.
i know i won't see him.

so fuck right off
this is my place in the world.

to be a spoiled bitch.
to complain all she wants
until she gets what she wants.

until you are on my shoes.

shut the fuck up.

Things will break me, but ill never be broken

The vibe i feel when i'm sitting beside you is what keeps me going throughout the day.

An angel god hasn't pointed out to the world yet.

yet you don't seem to know how i care

"things will break me, but ill never be broken"

Broken records and mixed tapes

I love the way you laugh at every little thing.
The way you smile.
Just You.

In my eyes you are a guy a girl like me deserves

to feel loved.

to just simply lie in your arms at night.

to be in your embrace.

i'm hangin on. and i'm strong

how to repair broken souls...

I say this to myself and others over and over again.
i can't bare to see you like this, at your lowest, so far away from home, so tired and so damn alone.
Everything was so different last year. You sometimes wish that alll of this enver happened. That one day you'll wake up next to you're wife, and get up and drive hundreds of miles, not to get on stage, but go out on a night on the town that didn't result you and your band mates getting kicked out of hotels, and you're ass being thrown in jail. You wish you never stepped onto that stage those years back.
You.
It's almost like you have spilt personalities.
Than you stick your words behind a computer screen and keyboard and try to shove us all away.
I sometimes wish, i wish alot of the time.
That you could have your old life back
This world has played havoc on your mind
your body, and your soul.
It's heartbreaking
I don't even fucking know you...
and yet i feel sorry.
Being proud no longer fits
not when someone is confused...

If it was up to me i'd rewind the past year
remove all the hardships
make it all playout like it would in your mind..

if only.....
if i had a timemachine and knew how to repair broken souls

stay the night

Dead stars dead eyes.
Blue skies, cold nights.
Words like an angel.
Smiles to melt your soul

Those butterflies in your stomach
the feeling of love
that first date
that first kiss

His hand in yours
your hand in his
The touch of his face
Being in his arms

a txt message away
a phone call away
one single kiss away

his hand on your knee
that feeling again, deep in your stomach
sweet simple kisses
with the sweetest one of all

feeling like you never felt before
feeling loved
who knew you would find that feeling again

random kisses through out that horrer flick
the feeling of being in his arms
feeling safe , while he puts his fingers through your hair

he loves the way your hair feels
those little kisses , the ones you never expect
the ones that make you feel on top of the world

he's the one for you.
and you know it.

it startts all over again
the chills up your spine
the pit in your throat
the butterflies in your stomach.
he kisses you again.

" i would of stayed the night if i knew how to save a life"

the weight of the world

I heard a distant early warning, but i chose to ignore it, it came back and bit me.

These late summer nights, till 2 in the mornin, trying to keep warm in your bed as fall closes in.
4 am sudden awakenings for no apparent reason, sweating and kicking your blankets off. Turn on the tv to be able to fall asleep. Take a look at the posters by your bed. They get you thinking, to a point you're telling yourself to shutup and sleep. The dog on the floor next to you sound asleep, snoring like your grandfather after thanksgiving dinner, calling his name to wake him up. Your father in the next room snoring like never before untill you hear your mom yell " glenn shut the fuck up turn on your side " , you have to love your mother when she sleep talks.

You crawl out of the warmth of your bed and make your way to the computer, check your myspace shit, and make your way to the hedley forum. Expecting answers from people. Not an answer. Noone on msn. It's four am. Where is everyone? in the middle of a deep sleep where you wish you were at this time.

Crawl back into your bed, this time it's no longer warm but chilled from the cold in the house. You cover yourself up and turn the channels. Jacob hoggard and his bandmates. That gets you yelling at the tv. First it's HOO-GARD no HOG-ARD. His bandmates have names. Dave rosin, tom macdonald, and chris crippin. Fuck.

Turn off the tv, plug in your ipod, listen your self to sleep. two hours later , 6 am, the sun is rising, your mother is yelling to your step father that his breaktfast is ready, you yell for someone to come up and close your door so you can go back to sleep. you fall asleep for 2 more hours. Finally there's just nomore sleep left in you.

It's nights and days like that, that you wish you could just disappear from the world and get one good nights sleep. Without the world hanging on your shoulders.

The feeling of ....

The sense that the world around you is caving in with every move you make.
The feeling of fall in the air, the love of having family around you everywhere you go.
The taste of music, music that gets you through times you think you'd never survive through.
The caring of friends, the love of being swept off your feet by him.
The fear of your loved ones leaving this earth, through sicknes and old age.
The craziness of growing up in a technology grown environment.
The way you feel proud about your accomplisments.

a road long ridden, but never forgotton
live life to it's fullest
don't regret anything.
don't regret me.
don't regret your failurees, treat them as life lessons.
don;'t regret.

live life.

Big city terror, small town love

Almost 13 years....
Same town, same people, same everything.
Friendly neighbours, cute highschool boys.
An hour to walk around town, two minutes to the mall.
Summers fulled with parties and 10 hour trips to the beach across the road.
Hundreds of friends, a well known teenage girl.
She lacks nothing at all.
She has what most girls wish for.



A break in time....

Almost 2 years....
Different town, different people, different everything.
New neighbours who don't give two shits
highschool boys, don't have girl-friends without them 'benefits'
summers are filled with pure boredom because she feels her friends don't know she exists.
twent friends, an unknown girl.
she lacks everything and is seeking for more.
She wishes for what most girls have....
friends that would give their lives for her.

I wrote this tonight because i got to thinking, all though i shouldn't dwell on my past i cant help to wonder why my so called friends out here can' even acknowledge my own birthday, when back home i'd have 100's of people calling to go at something.

I want to go home.
I want to not worry
i want to end a relationship and have 20-30 people console me
I want to start fights with slutty teenage girls and have my 'posse' backing me up
i want to be able to steal girls boyfriends with no fear of getting my ass kicked because they are afraid of the 'popular crowd"
i want to be able to walk from one part of town to the other at 4 in the morning in a tube top and skirt and stilletos with no fear, no fear of getting picked up.
I want to be able to not fear robberies, murders, and violence other than the violence me and my group cause.


I WANT TO GO HOME.
YET I DON'T WANT TO LEAVE....

This goes out to everyone back home in Labrador City.


i'm missin out on new babies being born, weddigs, breakups, graduations, sweet 16's .

i can't do it anymore :(

I FUCKING LOVE EACH AND EVERYONE OF YOU.

Rock freakin Bottom Bebe.....

Think of this as you may, you think you know...but you have no idea.


A milisecond, a second, a minute, an hour, a day, a week, a month a year.
so many changes, in very little time.

Words and personalities change. More swearing, more drinking more ignorance. More woman, more destroying stories. More pain, brough to us by what we love.

Someone who once was so kept and so cute, who could win the hearts of everyone he met. That smile, those eyes...gosh that twinkle in his eye. The boy who everyone loved.

Who knew that cute adorable boy from that small town, that worked a job not many teens would choose. Who did what he loved most with a few friends outside of that job.

A chubby cute teenage boy now a young , skinny muscular married man. This boy can't just hang out and hammer anils, and drink beer in his basement with his buddies. He can't just go to the store and get his groceries. He can barely walk the streets.

As each day passes a new obstacle appears. You guys probaly catch my drift about who this is about. If he is reading this, don't deny, but this is not to bring offence.

That boy we knew before canada knew him, is no longer that boy. No matter how much we dream he never will be. He's in a rock band now, he drinks beer, and gets the woman, begging at his feet for him. WWhen this guy hits rock bottom he'll realize ...i hope. I look up to this man too much for him to get hurt. I'm proud, don't get me wrong. But i do miss that guy who built houses, got expelled from highschool, and who played with his four dearest freinds in a small rock garage band who played too loud, but sang words not even an angel could think of. And who slowly won the hearts of all canadians.

I am proud of you, i really am.
I am proud of who those four guys were and where they are now.
I am proud of what this band is now.

Proud truly isn't the word to really express how most of us feel, it's more than that.

Outside of most teenagers and young adults there are actually a few who are actually mature, and understand these guys moves in the business, not everyone wants to have their fucking kids. Morons.

'I sold you all that you can hold, my love struck story's getting old'

A world of bullshit..

<3<3<3
Screaming girls. Loud music. Late night concerts. Free gifts. Free booze. Late night partying. Back stage blowouts. Grammys. Much music awards. The junos. Millions of dollars, for just a mere dozen songs. Tv coverage. What makes these celebrities better than everyone else. They can sing? they can act? i'm pretty damn sure they aren't the only ones in the world who can do thhose things.

There are men and woman throughout this damn world who have put their lives to better use than just entertaining a bunch of obsessed teen girls.

Firefighters, put out the blazes. Cops keep our streets safe at night. Vets save the lives of amazing little annimals. Humane services takes children out of abusive homes and place them in a safer environment for a better chance at life. Doctors and nurses save the lives of millions of people throughout the world daily. The everyday house mom washes the dishes, cleans the kids, feeds them, gets their homework done, and gets them to school on time. The everyday onlooker who stops at the scene of an accident and calms those two woman until the paramedics arrive.

It hits a nerve with me when i hear someoen say that celebrities deserve the things they get, why do they deserve more free things when there are men woman and children in this god foresaken world who don't even own a pair of shoes , or have a home to be brought into at night. Celebrities have billions of dollars given them for each film they do, yet a mere hundred dollars is like a dream come true for a family who can't afford to feed themselves.

I was watching the news the other day and with a headline that said
" TOMKAT COMES TO THE RESCUE " Meaning Tom Cruise and Katie holmes, a very known couple in teh public eye. Pulled over when they noticed a couple were in anaccident and stayed and waitied with the two while the paramedics were on the way. Well guess what , i'm only a young teen and i've pulled over to at least 20 or more accidents and stayed with the people until the paramedics came. Do you see me on the local news station. Am i in the headlines. " carrie comes to the rescue" i do freakin think so.

I think this world is a world of bullshit that thinks the only way you're good in life is if you have money.

it doesn't make sence

" big guys drivin suv's while there's kids starving in the streets it doesn't make sense to me, is everybody going crazy" - simple plan

The smell of a teenage life in the air

when the sun stops shining
when the clouds disappear
when all the water dries up
that's the day i stop loving you

when the sun stops shining
is when the twinkle in your eyes vanish
and leave my mind like they never existed

when the clouds of heaven no longer appear
will be when the stairway to heartbreak opens up
my previous loves come walking down like drummers in a marching band on christmas day

when the water dries up
will be when my tears of pain and heartbreak, at the same time tears of happiness flow through the streets
when i smile at you from across the hall
your hand in hers , her hand in yours
you touch her hair as you once did to mine
once... what a funny word, you still do, but how is that so? i am not with you?..am i?
she told you she loved you you smiled and said " i love you more than life"
i said " i love you" you answered with " is that so.." and walked away like like a pull of a trigger
boys and their girls girls and their boys
wasting their time hurting others and being hurt.
lieing to loved ones, being lied to.
it'll never seem clear to someone on the outside looking in.

" i love you i need you, like a thousand times before , wonder why i hate you"

Life as we know it

Life is like an hour glass
sitting on the dusty shelf.
Boys and Girls, Men and Woman
All alike yet, not two the same
hanging on to what we most desire
loving the ones we love, hating those we hate
our wants our needs and our dreams
influenced by what we see on the small screen, and in magazines.
the world we live in, and what celebrities tell us. can't we be ourselves?
without being told what to wear, how to look
and trying to change who we really are
when it can all be over in a blink of an eye
one pull of a trigger, one swipe with a knife
one too many drinks to the whell, one war between numorous armies. one world.

the world is our worst enemy, not the girl who stole your boyfriend, or the boy who stole your bike when you were 8, or even your mom or dad when they won't let you travel so far for that favorite rock band of yours.
No matter how hard we try, life as we know it, is...life.
A beautiful thinkg
full of laughter, joy, smiles, tears, pain, and hurt
one day we'll be in a better place,
until then, suck it up princess..move on
put that smile back on and when your time comes that big guy will call you home
until then, live life to it's fullest.
you do only get one shot at it.

" i never knew, i never knew that everything was falling through"